Four Weeks Eek!

36 weeks today. 9 months. Only four weeks remain. Although, I have a strong feeling this baby is coming earlier (as does Bobby, my mom, and my sister - all independently concluded). I don't know why, but I feel like I won't make it to my due date this time. With Elliot, I just knew I would be late and, if I hadn't been induced, I am sure I would have. But this time I just keep thinking it's going to pop out any day. In any event, I am more than ready to move on to the next chapter, especially since I am extremely uncomfortable.

What I am worried about this time around is just going into labor. Last time, I had the nice experience of being induced, which let me go into the hospital in a relaxed way and slowly get into the process. This time, there is no indication that I will be induced so it looks like I will just have to wait on pins and needles for it to happen. I don't like that idea one bit. The main reason I don't is because I have this fear that I will be involved in a mad dash to get to the hospital on time while in raging contractions. I have this fear because it happened with my mom and aunt with their second kids. I also have this fear because of how fast my labor moved last time. I was just reading over my birth story and it reminded me that in one hour I went from 4cm to 8cm. And then in just TWO contractions I went from 8cm to 10cm and the baby was coming down fast, born just less than 30 minutes later. Yikes! That was all well and good when I was already at the hospital, but if I have to labor at home this time I might be having a baby in the car! Hopefully this is just a fear that won't really happen. If I could order a start to labor, it would just begin with my water breaking and no major contractions so that I could just go to the hospital, get admitted, get my epidural, and settle in until push time. We'll see how that goes.

Preparations for Elliot are going well and I think he is getting really excited. He likes to tell me about all the toys he is going to share with the baby and how they will play ball, etc. Let's hope it goes so well once there is a real live baby here.

4 weeks (or maybe less) and we'll have a new family member!

8 Weeks Remain Folks!

I have been so busy at home and at work I have really not had much time to pay attention to the fact that I'm pregnant! Work is busy as ever and I am really feeling wiped out by the time I leave for the day which, of course, is when my other full time job of being "mom" picks back up with no rest for the weary. At home we have several projects inside and out we are tackling, as well as moving Elliot to his new room and new bed and dealing with some periodic unpleasant changes to his behavior. Sigh.

In that vein, terrible twos should be called something else. On one hand, they're great. He's extremely verbal and very funny and loves to help with household tasks and show us how he can do things all by himself. On the other hand, I think he is sometimes a pod person who likes to defy what I say just for kicks and enjoys melting down in Macy's because I won't let him bang on a cool glass table that makes a really fun and loud noise when it is struck. So, maybe it should be pre-adolescence, or the "preview" twos. Challenging, trying, funny, heartbreaking, inspiring, and frustrating, yep. Terrible, I'll reserve judgment on that for now.

Meanwhile, pregnancy has made everything really difficult at this point. It is just so damn hard to come home and deal with all the physical stuff of having a toddler while shuffling and limping because A: I'm tired as hell, and B: I am in so much pain. What was an inconvenient and almost "cute" quirk of my last trimester with Elliot has been a nightmare with the second pregnancy. I developed pelvic pain early on which, coupled with muscle inflammation due to an unstable pelvis, pretty much makes doing anything - walking, laying, rolling over and getting up - really painful. Since I like to consider myself someone who just "powers through" that's what I've done. But it is getting worse all the time and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to take our nightly family walk. We used to go a couple of miles, now going to the end of the street is a once-a-week kind of occurrence. We did that tonight and as I sit here it feels like I am breaking in two. I don't think I could ever be pregnant again because my leg might just fall off. In Target the other day I was incredibly tempted to just hop on one of those scooters . . . I really was.

Oh one more thing. So Elliot has really come to love looking at my belly and hugging it, asking me "Is that my baby in there?" He also loves to blow zerberts on it. This is all very cute and lovable - at home. But the other day we were in a store and he apparently wanted to see the baby and my bellybutton (which he loves because it popped out). I was so distracted trying to find what I was looking for on the shelf that I didn't even realize that he was lifting up my shirt until I heard a "BBBBrrrrraaaappppp" coming from my midsection. It sounded like a super loud fart and my stretch marks were out there for everyone looking. Classy. Elliot thought it was hilarious.

you can take a girl out of eaton rd, but you cant take eaton rd out of the girl

i miss my neighbors. i miss my friends. i miss waving hello on my way to work in the morning. i miss bumping into everyone on our nightly after dinner walk. i miss the feel of the little friendly university heights street where i came to meet the best friends around. i feel far away, lost, not up on the hustle and bustle of life, distant and lonely.
eaton rd will always be part of me. its where i made my friends. its where i lived when my kids were born. its where they started their lives and development. its where i will always feel i'm home.
i live 2 miles away, yet it seems so far. 2 miles, to a better school district with a better pool (understatement), but without the sense of belonging we had before. dont get me wrong- we LOVE our new house (wet basement, disaster of a yard/landscaping and all). we know it was the right decision for us. but, eaton rd will always be home.
this blog started as a baby fever blog. and look how much has changed! gosh- ive had two kids. jami and cara each have 1 (so far), and abby is on the way to two. maybe its that once baby fever is over, thats when we leave our comfy little eaton rd home?
i dont have baby fever. its gone.
i want to go to cara's today to cuddle with liam. i want to hold and play with little babies, yet give them back when diapers need changing. and i want to sleep all night, uninterrupted.
am i selfish? maybe.....but ive been there and done it all myself too. and now, im psyched that my kids can tell me what they want with words. im psyched that it appears we may no longer need to buy diapers (dont quote me on that one yet. its only been 1.5 weeks!). im psyched that levi and i can go on "dates" and stay up late cuddling and watching movies, and he can have sleepovers with his grandmas and his friends. i love sleeping all night, although i could do without the 6:30am wake-up calls even on weekends....life is great. i can't complain.
but now you'll understand why you may see me on eaton rd, wandering up and down the street, even though i no longer live there. i miss it and i miss you, my friends. but im just a little ways away. lets not let our friendship change at all.

Third Trimester!

Ahhhh, only 12 weeks left. This time during the pregnancy with Elliot it was freezing cold and snowing. Today, it's 90 degrees outside and 80 degrees in my office (damn corner office with tons of windows). A bit of a change but I'll take it because it's light out until late and I can park myself at the pool all summer.

Of course, the time left makes me reflect on all of the things I have yet to do. Such as, get Elliot's new room set up, get Elliot sleeping in a new bed, fix the garage, fix the deck, kitchen, etc. The list seems to go on forever. I have so much to do, in fact, that it's been hard to even think of being pregnant, except for the aches, pains, and heartburn. Zoloft, anyone?

Nothing new to report, but I am happy to say that my glucose tolerance test was acceptable so I don't have to take the 3 hour test this time. The only issue I am waiting to see about now is my blood pressure. It was a little higher at my last visit, and then higher still at a recent physical therapy appointment, but the jury's still out. Frankly, I'll trade a bit of high blood pressure if it means I get to be induced again. Chalk it up to the control freak part of me, but I like knowing when I have to be at the hospital and I like have the house cleaned beforehand. Also, this time it will be nice to be able to make arrangements for Elliot in advance. Bring it on!

Past the Halfway Point

I meant to post this last week which was my halfway point, but frankly I was just too lazy. Somehow 21 weeks doesn't sound as exciting. I guess this pregnancy is legally able to drink now, hooray! If only I could have a glass of wine. It feels good to be on this side. I can finally help with dinner, eat with the family, and put Elliot to bed. I can even clean the house again, which is nice because Elliot was finding dog hair and brining it to me saying "Here you go mommy, this is yuck." It's not all wonderful - my feet are already swelling and my pelvic pain is already present, but it's so much better than constant nausea. We had our anatomy ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and everything looks great. The baby has a face and all of its appendages, so that's a good start. Gender is still a mystery. I wanted to know, but the baby wouldn't cooperate. Dr. X did the ultrasound, and yes, he's still a jerk. He repeatedly jiggled my belly, commanding the baby to cooperate until I finally just blurted out "forget it" because the alternative would have been to punch him in the face. Even Bobby, who is usually incredibly laid back, thought it was a bit much. Looking forward to summer - planting flowers, taking long walks, and beaching myself at the pool. Woohoo!

Fatty Fat

Oh, by the way. I feel like a total cow. I was laughing the other day when I caught myself in the car window and saw not one, but two chins. I almost barfed. Also, stretch marks are super uncute when activated by the hormones of a second pregnancy. Trust me.

Momma Said Knock You Out, Flu Gonna Knock You Out

Just when I was starting to feel better, it was time for a reminder of how bad life can feel. It started on Monday afternoon. A little tickle in the back of my throat, coughing some, then some more. By evening I was quite sure I was sick. Tuesday morning, still coughing now with some aches and a pounding headache. With my cough being worse, I decided to stay home and spare my co-workers. By that evening, I was wreck. Wednesday felt like a truck was dragging my body. I felt feverish, with chills and aches. I took 5 hot showers and 3 warm baths during the day and evening to try and feel better. Bobby, being knocked out with me, took turns with me to pick up Elliot and re-stock our tissues and juice. We layed in bed miserable together. Then Thursday came, and Friday. We finally started to feel human again when Elliot started with the same symptoms. A weekend of trying to care for an ill toddler with both of us ill was really hard. Thankfully, my mom came over for reinforcements.

Fast forward two weeks later and I am finally shaking my cough. Elliot is still dealing with his symptoms.

I don't know what this was. I don't know if it was the flu or just the worst cold I have ever had. Hopefully, I am done for the year now.

In other news, I have felt all kinds of squiggles and wiggles for the past several weeks so I guess I really do have a baby. Next up - anatomy ultrasound. The big question is - do we find out, or don't we?

This Gut's Not Just for Show, You Know

As my first trimester is ending, I am taking an inventory of the process to date. I did the pee on a stick thing, and the initial excitement, then I did the bloating and the indigestion. I accomplished great feats of nausea and misery. I tried hot foods, I tried cool foods, I tried carbonated beverages, and even one bitty sip of beer (yum). My clothes got tight. And then my clothes got tighter. My boobs got bigger. And then bigger. And then a bit bigger. My fat started to accumulate anywhere it could - my stomach, my thighs, my face, and a little more on my thighs. And, my stomach now looks like it belongs to someone who is just a pathetic overweight person who doesn't exercise and has three cats and no man.

I'm ready to move on and find a way to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy, which is most different from my first not in how I feel, but in my perspective about how I feel. This time around life is just so much more matter-of-fact, and this pregnancy feels like more of an inconvenience than some blessed damn miracle. It's like ordering something online. I ordered the damn sweater a week ago, why isn't it here yet? I have a spot cleared in my drawer for the sweater and the anticipation of it's arrival has lost all luster, just deliver it already.

You Can Lead a Horse to Water, But You Can't Make Him Drink

That about sums up our potty-training work. Elliot will tell us he has "doo doo" and will ask for his potty chair. So we run to the potty and get him on, where he sits for about 2 seconds and then says "all done" and gets up. Then he won't sit back down (after all, he's all done in his mind). What is frustrating is the fact that he has never put so much as a drip of pee (or anything else) into that potty. I am happy that he is willing to go to it, knows it by name, and can somewhat identify an urge to go (or he just likes saying the words"doo doo" and "poop" and gets a kick out of the potty-run process). However, I look forward to the day when he actually goes on it. Oh well, I suppose he won't be wearing diapers to take his SATs so I should just chill out.

In other news, I am FINALLY starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel as my first trimester draws to a close. Now I look forward to getting a belly so that (1) my maternity clothes stop looking so stupid and (2) people know I am pregnant not just a giant pig when I inhale a huge meal.

growing, changing

how did my little girl get to be a big girl?
no, she is not yet potty trained (and she says a BIG FAT NO NO NO whenever i ask her if she wants to sit on the potty), but she absolutely refuses to sit in her booster seat or a restaurant high chair anymore.
this is only mildly problematic. besides the obvious safety issue and keeping her in her seat during meals, it is extremely amusing watching her try to eat.
she is tiny. teeny tiny. at almost 2 years old, she is still 21 pounds. 3rd percentile for height. a little peanut. she is too short to sit in the chair and still be able to see (let alone reach and eat) her food. BUT- she demands it. she put up such a fight this past weekend about the stupid booster that we just put it away and gave in.
tonight, as she reached up to the table with her spoon in hand, digging into her bowl of chili like a true texan, she proved to me that no matter how small, she really is becoming a big girl. miracle of miracles, all that chili ended up IN her mouth and not on her clothes, on her chair, on the floor, or in the dog's mouth. and when she finished up with her portion, she simply got off her chair, walked to the other side of the table to levi's chair, climbed on up, sat down, and started in on his bowl of chili which he refused to even taste.

Winter Funk

Is this a winter funk or my pregnancy hormones? I normally go through a winter doldrum period every year and it's usually right after the first of the year. I'm staring down the long, frigid month of January, the calendar usually seems to have an extra week (or two) every January. The month will last forever and spring will never come. This year has been a bit different. I actually was energized after the holidays, looking forward to finally feeling good and getting some items marked off my baby to-do list. I was excited about the 20 week ultrasound mid-month (everything was great, by the way!!) and feeling good about where I was in life. That was January 10th. Then I spent the next few weeks dealing with a car accident (again, everything about me and the baby was okay) but the paperwork, red tape and car nightmares kept me occupied for that dreary, depressing month of January. Long awaited February has finally arrived!!!! Full blown snowstorm and wintry mix along with it. This is NOT what I expect from February, it's my birthday month after all!!! So, now that February has rolled in, I'm finally hitting my 'winter funk'. I'm still without my car (brand new at the time, mind you), it's bitterly cold with no end in sight and I'm really climbing walls for spring to arrive. Oh, and did I mention that snowstorm? So here I am, less than excited about the days ahead and wanting nothing more than to hibernate the next 2 months away. I'm left trying to decide if this is an extra bad case of the doldrums or if it's the usual winter funk, magnified by these so called 'pregnancy hormones'. I'll let you know once the snow starts to melt. Happy February....

Talk About Anticlimactic

Perhaps it's time I officially post about my pregnancy. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, err, just ladies, the baby fever heckler is expecting!! Sorry for the anticlimactic announcement, I know my floating ticker countdown thing-a-majig has been happily floating away for about 6 or 8 weeks now, so I thought it was time to show my face. I've been meaning to post, but first it was the feelings of disgustingness and vomit city (much like Abby has been experiencing) that kept me from posting. Then it was the exhaustion and holiday craziness. Then a bout with that crazy 4 week long cold everyone seems to be coming down with. But now, I'm back, feeling better than ever, or about as good as a pregnant gal can feel and ready to blog!!

And a side note to Abby, hang in there, you're almost to that magic point!!

Every Day Is A Struggle

I am seriously just marking time here. Here is my daily schedule - wake up, feel sort of ok. Eat something light and bland for breakfast. Feel sick. Take a pill. Still feel sick. Put on something, anything to wear to work, no matter how shitty I look. Drive to work. Still sick. Try to work amidst stacks of backlogged assignments, all the while feeling lower than miserable. Eat lunch - doesn't matter what - feel sick some more. Indigestion. Indigestion. Indigestion. Dizzy spell, time to go home. Arrive home. Immediately put on something comfortable. Get into bed. Stay in bed feeling miserable until I fall asleep somewhere around 8pm. If I am feeling less worse, sometimes I help with bath time. I don't know why it feels worse this time. My guess is because I have more responsibilities. Also, maybe because I felt sick about 2 weeks earlier this time. I have a prescription for an anti-nausea medication, but it doesn't stop indigestion sickness, exhaustion, hot flashes, or other issues. Tomorrow is 10 weeks and I just can't wait to see the end of this trimester.

Oh, as an aside, happy belated halfway point Cara!!

I Feel So Gross . . .

Ugh, I just can't take it anymore. If I don't eat soon enough, I feel sick. Then, after eating the food just sits there in my stomach and I feel sick. It feels like time is going so slowly right now and I am losing my mind. Nothing helps except just sleeping through it. If only I could take a few weeks off work and just stay in bed all day until the symptoms go away. Can I get one of those medically-induced comas for first trimester?

Sorry for the Anticlimactic Announcement

I guess my brain really is not on track. I guess my last post already announced it, but we're expecting again! See my last post for my current feelings on the subject. Sorry my baby ticker looks creepy.

I Remember Why I Hate This

Silly me. I can't believe I was foolish or hopeful enough to think that I might escape the worst of early pregnancy symptoms my second time around. Instead, I am descending into my own personal hell one level at a time. First, it was bloating, then came an overwhelming sense of smell. Recently, the sick, sour stomach feeling has appeared. Now, I don't know how I am going to get through the next several weeks. I am miserable, miserable, miserable. I can't remember how I managed to do it last time. I think I really did a tremendous job blocking it all out of my memory. Forgetting is clearly the only explanation for how I could be willing to do this again.

In another news, I went for an ultrasound today because I started having spotting out of nowhere. Luckily, everything looked great and I got to see the heart beating.

I'm ready to move onto the second trimester now . . .