Nerdy Nerdyson and a Cautionary Tale

So, I love to be organized. I make lists at work, and charts to keep track of my cases. I also developed a case management system for my office to keep us all on the same page. So, naturally, I love tracking ovulation and keeping the information together as part of our family planning. Last fall, I started keeping track again so that I could be prepared and familiar with my cycle if we decided to have another child. I don't know if everyone does it, but I think keeping track really helps you become more in tune with your body, which will tell you the optimal time if you listen to it.

Until I have exciting news to report, let me leave you with a an anecdote. Picture this, you have two children under the age of 3. Your second child (who was 6 weeks premature and spent it's early weeks in the hospital) is only a couple months old when you get pregnant with a third child, who will be due before your second child turns one. On top of that, your oldest child is not yet potty trained. And, you are working full time while going to school. Are you ready to shoot yourself yet? That, my friends, is the story of a relative of mine. When asked why they decided to do this, my relative replied that it was an accident. People, let's be honest, you don't get pregnant by accident at that point unless you're stupid or are willingly and knowingly engaging in procreatively risky behavior. I don't buy that this was a rare case of total birth control failure despite extremely careful usage.

My Peanut Has A First Name, It's E-L-L-I-O-T

Baby fever? Baby fever? Jami poses an interesting question. I just don't know the answer. Look at this little peanut, how can I top him? We have had rounds and rounds of conversations lately on the idea of family planning. Main topic of conversation - are we going to add any more, or stay a happy family of three? Neither of us have an answer at this moment. Frankly, I don't know if I have the resources - time, energy, money - to commit to another person. If we just had Elliot, would that be so bad? Heck no! And I feel like I wouldn't have to short change him on anything in this uncertain economy, where I am trying to grow a career while growing my family. Sure, I've already suffered the unenlightened "Well, you don't want to have an only child do you? DO YOU? They are messed up" type of statements, but I brush them off. I can read and I have and it seems to me that actual research-based information demonstrates that there really is no difference, except that single children may outperform academically.

I have to be practical about this situation. Having a newborn is great, but regardless of how many kids I decide to have they will always grow out of the newborn phase and there will always be a last time. Last time to swaddle. Last time to nurse. Last time to fold tiny onesies. That might be the hardest concept for me to grasp - if we only have Elliot, then so many of my firsts were also my lasts.

If I had to make a wager, I would guess that Elliot will have a sibling. Whatever we decide to do, I know I will continue to feel ambivalent until the last second, and, let's face it, even after my choice is made.

low grade fever

The past 14 months (well really almost 2 years if you include the time I was pregnant) have been the most incredible, invigorating, trying, difficult, and pure joy I've ever felt. I had no idea what it would be like to bring a new little baby into this world but I have loved (almost) every second getting to know my little man. He amazes me all the time. I still cannot get over the fact that he grew in my belly! Some days I have no idea how I made it through the day and even though I feel like that I officially have baby fever again!

I'm wondering if I am letting myself have this overwhelming urge to grow another baby in my belly now because I know Joey is not ready so it most likely will not happen in the next few months. All I know is I'm starting to look in the mirror and stick my belly out again to reminensce about being preggo. I am absolutely ready for the next little one (moments when Jackson's laugh fills me with joy) and at the same moment not ready at all.

I'm looking to make a career move and I hate that that is impacting my "family planning". I will hopefully know in a month whether or not I will start a new job venture in January and then I can focus on the baby fever or take some tylenol to get "rid" of it for now.

At least lots of friends are having little bundles of joy so I can get my cuddle time in with a baby and still get to sleep through the night :)

Anyone else have baby fever right now?

how indecent

this is one of the best posts ive read in a while......the pictoral comparison about the "indecency" of breast feeding in public to the accepted nudity in everyday advertising.
ENJOY!!!!

update, by request

my little diva, aka tali ariel, is very opinionated.

if she wants something, even with her limited vocabulary of about 20 words, she lets you know. if she doesnt want something, her head shakes so ferociously sometimes i wonder if she is going to vomit from dizziness. so goes the decision to stop nursing.
over the last month or so, it would be hit or miss. some mornings she would wake up and attack me for milk and some mornings she would refuse completely wanting only her cup of whole milk from the fridge. and same thing at night. most of the time before bed she would be so tired, she would want nothing to do with nursing and would rather cuddle up with her stuffed animal and go to sleep.
5 days ago, i think she made her decision. she woke up, didnt want to nurse, and that was it. she has refused it since then. this morning i even cuddled with her in the rocking chair for 20 minutes when she woke and she made no attempt at my chest (and i didnt offer, i just held her close and rocked her).
in fine with it. i thought i would be really sad. but my little girl is growing up, she is becoming more independent and doesnt need mommy to feed her anymore. i know she loves me just as much as she did before and now we'll just find other special things to bond over that dont involve my breasts....

the mommy mafia

did anyone else read this article on CNN.com today? I think it is great.

It reminds me of an incident a couple years ago that got me in a bit of trouble with my mommy friends. It split apart our little mommy group that had been pretty cohesive up until that point. We are all over it now (i think), but there was upheaval due to a tiny little comment that wasnt meant with any spite.

We were all trying to plan a playdate at a friend's house, and timing and days were discussed all over email. The host suggested a sunday afternoon, and stupid me HAD to reply to everyone explaining why I couldnt do sunday afternoon. It wouldnt have been a big deal had I just said I had things to do. I just had to make it personal.

Here is an excerpt from the email I sent, trying to make my case for an earlier playdate:
dont you think it would be better to go somewhere, like the childrens museum? say at 10am? then the kids can all play with plenty of time before nap. in the afternoon we can prepare for the week to start (at least us working moms have things to do before we start the week im sure), and then [our friend who volunteered to host] can have a clean house to come home to, no mess, no preparation, no food needed, just fun for the kids....

and here is the response i received:
I have to start my week by 7am at the latest every Monday (not counting the 5:30 am feeding, often following a 2 am feeding) . . . do you working mom's have kids that get up earlier than everyone else's babies? If you think that watching young children is so leisurely than why do you pay someone to do it? Shouldn't the care giver pay you? I'm not complaining, I've very happily chosen my current job, but I find it condescending that you assume there is nothing for me to do.

OK. You can say it. Maybe I crossed the line. I shouldnt have said ANYTHING about being a working mom. But in my head, it wasnt an attack! On sundays, I have stuff to do- grocery shop, planning meals for the week, making soup to eat all week, pack levi's bag for school including cleaning his nap sheets/blanket to bring with him, etc. I NEVER meant to make anyone feel bad about staying at home. I KNOW staying at home is a job in and of itself, with tons of responsibility and it is not relaxing or easy to say the least. I just figured that moms who stay home dont HAVE to do their shopping on sundays like i do, or they dont HAVE to cook like crazy to get them through the week.

Now, said commenter and I are friends, still see each other regularly, and still talk and hang out occasionally. but this definitely changed the relationship....and I havent even thought about this in a while, but this article just brought back memories....

am I really part of the mommy mafia? Do i make people feel bad with the things I say????

teeny tiny

how did i get such a little girl? i am anything but little, so it dumbfounds me that she is such a peanut!

we had her 1 year checkup today. weighing in at 18 pound 7 ounces, she is officially at the 5th percentile for weight (and height and head circumference too).

she eats anything and everything in sight and doesnt put on an ounce. what i would give for a metabolism like that!

its amazing that tali and elliot are already one, and jackson is almost 7 months. this blog has been alive and kicking for over 2 years now. pretty cool i think! now we just need to get another nameless eaton rd neighbor to participate in the baby making party....

emotional

im feeling sad. im feeling emotional. i am torn- am i doing the right thing?
i stopped pumping. yesterday was my last pump. i made the decision and am sticking with it (i think).
i have all intentions of continuing to nurse until tali is 1, or perhaps 15 months, (or forever), but the pumping is finally just wearing on me and its not fun, takes up time, and i have so much milk in my freezer, tali will be drinking breast milk until she's 20 anyhow, so why pump more?
i told jeff i didnt want to stop nursing at 12 months, and that i would continue morning and evening for a few more months, and he gave me a look like i had two heads. is it really that bad? i know, i dont want to be "that mom" that nurses her kid until he is running around, talking, and lifting up her shirt as he asks to have milk...but just a few more months???
tali is my baby (and perhaps my last baby), and i love nursing her. i love the cuddle time. i love the fact that i am the ONLY one who can give her this. when im done, will i be as important in her life anymore?
my friend lori told me that when she stopped nursing, she would brush her daughter's hair at night before bed- maybe that's what i'll start doing. that can be our little special mommy/baby time.
for now, im undecided. at least one more month of that special bond, that special nourishment only a mommy can provide, and maybe a few months more after that.

lessons from life

I read this poem today on a brochure I had at work. I love it and I wanted to share it with everyone.

Lessons From Life by Ronald Russell (1971)

A child that lives with ridicule learns to be timid
A child that lives with criticism learns to condemn
A child that lives with distrust learns to be deceitful
A child that lives with antagonism learns to be hostile

A child that lives with affection learns to love
A child that lives with encouragement learns confidence
A child that lives with truth learns justice
A child that lives with praise learns to appreciate

A child that lives with sharing learns to be considerate
A child that lives with knowledge learns wisdom
A child that lives with patience learns to be tolerant
A child that lives with happiness will find love and beauty