did anyone else read this article on CNN.com today? I think it is great.
It reminds me of an incident a couple years ago that got me in a bit of trouble with my mommy friends. It split apart our little mommy group that had been pretty cohesive up until that point. We are all over it now (i think), but there was upheaval due to a tiny little comment that wasnt meant with any spite.
We were all trying to plan a playdate at a friend's house, and timing and days were discussed all over email. The host suggested a sunday afternoon, and stupid me HAD to reply to everyone explaining why I couldnt do sunday afternoon. It wouldnt have been a big deal had I just said I had things to do. I just had to make it personal.
Here is an excerpt from the email I sent, trying to make my case for an earlier playdate:
dont you think it would be better to go somewhere, like the childrens museum? say at 10am? then the kids can all play with plenty of time before nap. in the afternoon we can prepare for the week to start (at least us working moms have things to do before we start the week im sure), and then [our friend who volunteered to host] can have a clean house to come home to, no mess, no preparation, no food needed, just fun for the kids....
and here is the response i received:
I have to start my week by 7am at the latest every Monday (not counting the 5:30 am feeding, often following a 2 am feeding) . . . do you working mom's have kids that get up earlier than everyone else's babies? If you think that watching young children is so leisurely than why do you pay someone to do it? Shouldn't the care giver pay you? I'm not complaining, I've very happily chosen my current job, but I find it condescending that you assume there is nothing for me to do.
OK. You can say it. Maybe I crossed the line. I shouldnt have said ANYTHING about being a working mom. But in my head, it wasnt an attack! On sundays, I have stuff to do- grocery shop, planning meals for the week, making soup to eat all week, pack levi's bag for school including cleaning his nap sheets/blanket to bring with him, etc. I NEVER meant to make anyone feel bad about staying at home. I KNOW staying at home is a job in and of itself, with tons of responsibility and it is not relaxing or easy to say the least. I just figured that moms who stay home dont HAVE to do their shopping on sundays like i do, or they dont HAVE to cook like crazy to get them through the week.
Now, said commenter and I are friends, still see each other regularly, and still talk and hang out occasionally. but this definitely changed the relationship....and I havent even thought about this in a while, but this article just brought back memories....
am I really part of the mommy mafia? Do i make people feel bad with the things I say????
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2 comments:
I read the article too! I'm not too sure why it's referred to as a "mommy mafia" though, since people in all sorts of groups often have different methods for doing the same thing and different "ideal" standards in mind - co-workers, governing boards, and DADs just to name a few. I think people should give moms a freaking break, people everywhere make thousands of judgments every day, parental criticism of ourselves and others is just a tiny (not to mention universal) facet.
That's the hard part about email, I think... it's so easy for people to misread what you're saying and make it into a big deal. I can see why your friends were offended, but you meant it as totally harmless. At times like this, I start searching all over the house to find the remote in hopes that if I press rewind, it might rewind my life haha :)
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