Monday, November 15, 2010

My Peanut Has A First Name, It's E-L-L-I-O-T

Baby fever? Baby fever? Jami poses an interesting question. I just don't know the answer. Look at this little peanut, how can I top him? We have had rounds and rounds of conversations lately on the idea of family planning. Main topic of conversation - are we going to add any more, or stay a happy family of three? Neither of us have an answer at this moment. Frankly, I don't know if I have the resources - time, energy, money - to commit to another person. If we just had Elliot, would that be so bad? Heck no! And I feel like I wouldn't have to short change him on anything in this uncertain economy, where I am trying to grow a career while growing my family. Sure, I've already suffered the unenlightened "Well, you don't want to have an only child do you? DO YOU? They are messed up" type of statements, but I brush them off. I can read and I have and it seems to me that actual research-based information demonstrates that there really is no difference, except that single children may outperform academically.

I have to be practical about this situation. Having a newborn is great, but regardless of how many kids I decide to have they will always grow out of the newborn phase and there will always be a last time. Last time to swaddle. Last time to nurse. Last time to fold tiny onesies. That might be the hardest concept for me to grasp - if we only have Elliot, then so many of my firsts were also my lasts.

If I had to make a wager, I would guess that Elliot will have a sibling. Whatever we decide to do, I know I will continue to feel ambivalent until the last second, and, let's face it, even after my choice is made.

Friday, November 12, 2010

low grade fever

The past 14 months (well really almost 2 years if you include the time I was pregnant) have been the most incredible, invigorating, trying, difficult, and pure joy I've ever felt. I had no idea what it would be like to bring a new little baby into this world but I have loved (almost) every second getting to know my little man. He amazes me all the time. I still cannot get over the fact that he grew in my belly! Some days I have no idea how I made it through the day and even though I feel like that I officially have baby fever again!

I'm wondering if I am letting myself have this overwhelming urge to grow another baby in my belly now because I know Joey is not ready so it most likely will not happen in the next few months. All I know is I'm starting to look in the mirror and stick my belly out again to reminensce about being preggo. I am absolutely ready for the next little one (moments when Jackson's laugh fills me with joy) and at the same moment not ready at all.

I'm looking to make a career move and I hate that that is impacting my "family planning". I will hopefully know in a month whether or not I will start a new job venture in January and then I can focus on the baby fever or take some tylenol to get "rid" of it for now.

At least lots of friends are having little bundles of joy so I can get my cuddle time in with a baby and still get to sleep through the night :)

Anyone else have baby fever right now?