a love/hate relationship

of course i'll do whatever i need to ensure a healthy baby....and if my gestational diabetes means 4 shots per day, fine. whats a little pinch from a subcutaneous injection?
but what i cant do (or perhaps its more like- what i WONT do) is give up my food cravings or more like over-indulgences.
i went to see my endocrinologist 2 weeks ago and he asked how things were going. my sugars had been relatively fine with some minor adjustments and i had been feeling OK (more like tired, cranky, b i t c h y, and still a little nauseous, but i didnt complain to him).
he asked how the diet was going, and i decided- what the hell. i may as well tell the truth...
my answer: "i was cursing you at mitchell's fish market last week. i wanted to eat the entire loaf of bread instead of just one slice, but since i could only have 4 carbs for dinner and my entree had three carbs, i was restricted to 1 piece of the warm, crusty, melt in your mouth mitchell's bread..."
the look on his face was absolutely priceless.....
he paused, and asked "what exactly did you just say?"....
i again said: "i was cursing you"....."i curse you every time i crave something my diet doesnt allow me to eat".
a long pause.....(i was getting a little nervous. this doctor likes me, we joke a lot, get along great-it is nice being colleagues vs just patient/doctor...but at this point, i thought perhaps i had crossed the line into rude, disrespectful, downright angry)....
and he started laughing! laughing and laughing! nobody had ever "cursed" him before, and he thought it was funny that it came from me.
AND FINALLY (after 3.5 months of pregnancy cravings so far and the last 4 months of levi's pregnancy too), i got what i wanted from him. A SLIDING INSULIN SCALE! which means, i CAN eat whatever i want, i just need to take extra insulin to cover the extra carbs.....
most of the time, i stick to my diet (2 carb breakfast, 3 carb lunch, 4 carb dinner, with a few 1-2 carb snacks mixed in the middle), but for those days that i just want more, or like today during our halloween lunch extravaganza party at the office when i wanted lots of desserts in addition to the sub, i can finally indulge!
so do i like the insulin shots four times a day? NO....NO NO NO NO NO....
but if it allows me to eat what i want, i'll deal with it until a have a healthy baby in my arms....

A Strong Heartbeat Baby, a Bad Cold for Mama

I can't believe we're closing in on the end of the fourth month already. The past two months have really flown by! We had our doctor's appointment last monday and everything is going along quite well with a strong heartbeat that the doctor referred to as "perfect." It was a good appointment, and I got to set up my 20 week ultrasound, which I really excited to have.

That ... was the beginning of the week.  Unfortunately, the rest of the week put me well under the weather.  After getting a case settled Wednesday morning, I left to go home and lay down. I could feel something coming on but I thought I might be able to fight it off.  Unfortunately, it has blossomed into a terrible cold that has really knocked me out.  I haven't been back to work this week and now I have no voice.  If I could just sleep well I think that would make a difference.  Unfortunately, my doctor tells me that the Nyquil I normally drink to knock myself out is a no-no for the baby.  What is on the list?  Well, regular strength tylenol and regular sudafed, which haven't seemed to help my symptoms too much.  At least I have plenty of hot tea, juice, and tissues thanks to Bobby.

morning sickness?

can morning sickness start in the second trimester? at 16 weeks? i hope not. i hope what i am feeling is just a fluke, a virus, a little under the weather....hoping it has nothing to do with the path to a new baby.....i hope it is not the start of morning sickness.
for the last three to five days (or something like that, im trying not to remember exactly), ive been waking in the morning feeling terribly nauseous....and i chew gum or have a mint, and i eat breakfast and im generally fine, until some scent sets me off, and im nauseous again.
today has been the worst. i was nauseous this morning, but then we went out to breakfast and i figured once i had eaten, i would be fine....but after breakfast that feeling came back within 30 minutes. in the grocery store, i couldnt help pick out any produce because it all smelled bad to me, and i even took a little produce bag and put it in my pocket just in case....(thankfully no need to use it).
when we came home, i tried to make plans to go shopping, again thinking that i would feel a bit better after eating lunch.....wrong again. worse!!! so i cancelled the plans i had made 30 minutes prior (sorry jami!).
my biggest problems right now are the fridge and the dishwasher. i cant open either one without gagging.....so, my wonderful husband is going to clean out the fridge today to make sure it's spotless and fresh without any old or smelly food....and im the one who normally loads and empties the dishwasher, so who knows what is going to happen now. i guess if there are dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter, i wont be able to go into the kitchen at all and that will be even worse! maybe i should just suck it up, gag a bit, and do the dishes.....or else, we all know, they wont get done.....
the weird thing is that normally chewing gum or popping mints really helps me...BUT, now i put a mint in my mouth or start chewing a piece of gum and i feel like im going to gag on it, and i have to take it out. i have to hold my gum in my hand, chew a little, and then put it back in my hand.....i know- im weird. hopefully this stage passes quickly....

Tight Pants and a Comfy Pillow

Second trimester ahoy! I am so glad to be done with the first three months, I feel like throwing myself a little party. Constantly feeling like death warmed over, laying on the floor of my office, sipping coke, YUCK. Lucky for me those terrible feelings are starting to disappear, and now sick feelings only occur late at night (joy).

Of course, there are new issues and new stories, and yes, new emotional breakdowns. I have hit the wall. What I mean, of course, is that only one pair of my old work pants still (sort of) fits and I have had to suffer the humiliation of going up a size. And it's not like I have a cute little bulge or anything to show for it yet. But my waist, which I have always loved, is slowing saying "check you later, it's been real." After having to wear jeans to work in the middle of the week (gasp!), I decided it was time to add things to my work wardrobe. Plus, my cousin was getting married so I needed a dress. So I got to spend a Friday night going to every store I could think of looking for something to wear. Inevitably, with each store I was out of luck. My size was too small in the waist and the next size looked weird or, in some unfortunate cases, was still too small. My only issues are my boobs and my waist, but that pretty much kills everthing. After shedding a few tears in a few dressing rooms, I did buy some pants and then my wonderful husband took me to Lane Bryant where, god bless them, I still got to wear the smallest size dress and it was comfy and plenty roomy. They also have a wonderful bra selection for anyone interested if you are cursed with being busty.

Now, as I start to feel this really nice full feeling in my lower abdomen I am getting excited to develop a belly. Sometimes I stand in the mirror and let my stomach relax to see what it might look like. Of course, I am also starting to experience some less pleasing side effects of a growing womb. Well, there is the constant aching. It doesn't feel good but hey, I will take it over nausea. Plus, my chest won't stop expanding. Sorry if it is TMI, but when you have replaced your bra collection twice and it is only week 14 your start to get a little salty about it. But the thing that is now bothering me the most is sleep. Restless, restless, tossy-turny sleep that leaves me with an achy back. I think I always did move around a lot at night, judging by my dishelved sheets every morning, but now the tossing wakes me up. And my tossing occurs much slower because I now feel like there is a weight in my belly when I am turning over. And sleeping on my side has been no picnic, leaving my back angry the mornings. My remedy? A super awsome and comfy pregnant lady pillow that support my back as I lay on my side. And, when I get a big belly I can use it in the front for support there. It was a great investment.

Also, anyone know if those lotions work to prevent stretch marks? I have heard they don't, but I don't care, I am using one anyway. At least I can say I tried!

hippo? camel? thanks jeff.

when i was pregnant with levi, jeff used to call me his "little hippopotamus"....it made me CRAZY...he thought it was cute. but it just made me feel enormous, even more than i already felt. but i forgave him when i held a perfect little boy in my arms and as breastfeeding melted my big belly away.

now, jeff says im a two humped camel.
i have a belly bulge above my belly button- i think due to all my intestines and organs being pushed up by my ever expanding uterus.
and my uterus in its ever expanding state is also bulging out below my belly button...
but my waist line, exactly at my belly button, albeit bigger than normal, seems to be skinnier than the bulge above and below.
so, jeff says i have two humps. like a camel.

can someone tell my husband that comparisons to large, bulging, unattractive animals are not the best things to say to a very volatile and sometimes extrememly hostile pregnant wife!!!!!