a love/hate relationship

of course i'll do whatever i need to ensure a healthy baby....and if my gestational diabetes means 4 shots per day, fine. whats a little pinch from a subcutaneous injection?
but what i cant do (or perhaps its more like- what i WONT do) is give up my food cravings or more like over-indulgences.
i went to see my endocrinologist 2 weeks ago and he asked how things were going. my sugars had been relatively fine with some minor adjustments and i had been feeling OK (more like tired, cranky, b i t c h y, and still a little nauseous, but i didnt complain to him).
he asked how the diet was going, and i decided- what the hell. i may as well tell the truth...
my answer: "i was cursing you at mitchell's fish market last week. i wanted to eat the entire loaf of bread instead of just one slice, but since i could only have 4 carbs for dinner and my entree had three carbs, i was restricted to 1 piece of the warm, crusty, melt in your mouth mitchell's bread..."
the look on his face was absolutely priceless.....
he paused, and asked "what exactly did you just say?"....
i again said: "i was cursing you"....."i curse you every time i crave something my diet doesnt allow me to eat".
a long pause.....(i was getting a little nervous. this doctor likes me, we joke a lot, get along great-it is nice being colleagues vs just patient/doctor...but at this point, i thought perhaps i had crossed the line into rude, disrespectful, downright angry)....
and he started laughing! laughing and laughing! nobody had ever "cursed" him before, and he thought it was funny that it came from me.
AND FINALLY (after 3.5 months of pregnancy cravings so far and the last 4 months of levi's pregnancy too), i got what i wanted from him. A SLIDING INSULIN SCALE! which means, i CAN eat whatever i want, i just need to take extra insulin to cover the extra carbs.....
most of the time, i stick to my diet (2 carb breakfast, 3 carb lunch, 4 carb dinner, with a few 1-2 carb snacks mixed in the middle), but for those days that i just want more, or like today during our halloween lunch extravaganza party at the office when i wanted lots of desserts in addition to the sub, i can finally indulge!
so do i like the insulin shots four times a day? NO....NO NO NO NO NO....
but if it allows me to eat what i want, i'll deal with it until a have a healthy baby in my arms....