Ambivalence, Thy Name is Abby

No idea seems more brilliant than those conceived over half price margaritas during an ice storm. And that is just how this blog came about.  Until recently, my life focused on graduating law school (done), buying a house (done), getting married (done), and chasing around two dogs and praying they won't pee on the rug while I am gone (still in progress).  In fact, two years ago I wasn't even sure that I wanted to have children. Ever.  Now, I find myself cooing at babies and picturing family dinners and walks in the neighborhood with a stroller.  When did that happen?!? I already have names picked out, including middle names and alternate middle names.  Some days, I turn to my husband (who was blessed with immense patience) and say "let's have a family now."  Other days, I start to panic at thinking how having a baby will keep me chained to the house, unable to do anything but discuss feeding times, toy recalls, and how much college is going to cost in 2027.  In fact, just the other day it dawned on me that I never made that bike trip down the towpath, or went hiking in Arches National Park, or went to Europe, or got a PhD in psychology.  When am I going to do all of these things?!?!!?  In my mind I feel like I am constantly trying to balance the prime traveling and degree-seeking years that keep flying by with the ever-looming reproductive deadline.  It is no easy task, especially when I am trying to keep on a professional track of becoming a partner in a law firm.  How are we supposed to do all of this?  Even still, all my fears didn't stop me from hanging on to a few of the gifts I bought for a recent baby show (yes, that IS sad).  And I, too, bought a college-themed onesie for my fake baby that I don't yet have.  Maybe my fake baby and Jami's fake baby can have a fake college rivalry.  Oh well, at least maternity clothes look pretty cute these days.