Hello . . . Is There Anybody In There . . ?

Frustrations abound.

While I realize that everything that is happening to my body is for a good, natural, and healthy purpose, I can't help but feel like I have some terrible, ever-lasting illness that is destroying my me. If it were just exhaustion, I could deal. If I just felt a little sick, I would understand. If I only had indigestion after eating spicy meals that would make sense. But its all of them, and more, and after I eat anything.

I was looking forward to this past holiday weekend. Three day weekends are like a lush oasis in a sea of work, work, work. For me, this weekend was good because it provided me plenty of time to lie around - in bed, on the couch, on the other couch, on the basement couch (you get the point). But this weekend was also bad because I did not enjoy it, strike that, could not enjoy it. Each morning brought a fleeting few hours of "feeling good" while I tried to accomplish something useful before late morning and afternoon ickiness set in. Each meal brought the promise of indigestion that left me feeling thoroughly sickened by even the most benign foods - crackers, flat warm coke, etc. And each evening brought with it waves of nausea and flushed skin that, at times, made me completely break down into sobs. I would shower, but didn't feel like doing my hair. I would try to distract myself with movies but felt stir crazy.

A nice break was when we got to go to my mom's for dinner on Saturday night. I was jonesing for her mashed potatoes and meatloaf and she was happy to make it for me. I love love love her mashed potatotes. But nothing in that meal loved me. I was sick the rest of the night and barely able to sleep. It wasn't the food's fault, it was this little peanut wreaking havoc on my system.

The only time I actually did anything the whole weekend was Monday morning. See, two weeks ago when I was still feeling fine we made plans to bike on the towpath with some friends. I was really excited at the time - but not so excited Sunday night when I was in my second crying breakdown for the weekend. But, come Monday morning I started my day as usual - with the precious hours of feeling relatively normal. This gave me the energy to dress and go biking. I really did enjoy it. Until about 1pm when I started to feel sick while we were still 4 miles from the car. It is really strange to bike nauseous. Luckily, I made it and rewarded myself with lunch at the Winking Lizard, which then proceeded to give me indigestion and more nausea (sensing a pattern?)

So far, my peanut has not caused me to show, and I certainly can't feel it moving around yet. Sometimes I wonder . . . is anybody really in there? Is a person actually growing in me? I look forward to seeing and feeling the result of all the hard times I have been trudging through. Maybe then it will feel more like a good thing and less like an illness. Hang tight little peanut, hang tight.

Congrats

Congratulations to Abby & Bobby!! I look forward to reading all about your experiences in the coming months and I can't wait to meet the littlest member of the Botnick family!! I'm loving the bouncing baby countdown, which should be fun to watch grow!!

Cheese, Glorious Cheese!

You can now see my weird, floating alien baby in the cool widget Marni was nice enough to add to the blog.

So, I have already had a few food aversions (chicken breast, broccoli, and my regular latte) but I really wasn't having any cravings yet. Until the other day. I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when I decided I wanted some cheddar cheese. And I wanted it immediately. I called Bobby and he promised he would stop at the grocery on his way home and have cubes of cheddar cheese waiting for me. I even left work 10 minutes early so I could get my hands on it sooner. The entire way home in the car, I kept thinking about the cheese and how good it was going to be. I was impatient with drivers, taking short cuts, and feeling like I was about to go out of my mind if I didn't get some damn cheese! Then, the magic moment came when I finally pulled on to my street. But my elation was soon crushed when I pulled into the driveway only to find that Bobby wasn't home yet. How dare he, I thought to myself. Fortunately, I didn't have a chance to call him in an irrational fit of anger about my cheese because he pulled in right behind me. He presented me with the cheese and I felt like I could not have been happier. I proceeded straight to the couch to sit in front of the fan with my cheese while Bobby took out the dogs (what a guy). I ripped open the top of the bag and peered in at my deliciously orange bounty; then there was the glorious first cube, then the second, and on and on. I was like a madwoman. When I decided I had my fill it was time to lay down. I proceeded to have a nap, only to wake up terribly nauseous. I don't blame the cheese, but I haven't craved it again and the cubes are still sitting in the cheese drawer in the fridge. This pregnancy is messing with my mind.

congrats and a great blog entry....

First, I must say how absolutely incredibly excited we all are for you Abby.....We can not wait to see you progress and "grow" with this pregnancy, and develop into an incredible mother and an even better friend.....The Eaton Rd clan is EXPANDING and we couldnt be happier!!!!

Below is a link to a blog entry written by an OBGYN about pregnancy. It is a really really cute "overview" of pregnancy.....i encourage everyone to read it.....(especially those of you who have already been through pregnancy once or twice)....

http://obgynkenobi.blogspot.com/2008/08/evolution-of-pregnancy-conglomerate-of.html

Barf, Barf, Barf

I feel like barf . . .

Oh, and one more thing . . .

My due date is April 7, 2009 (+ or - 4 days). I hope to have a little floating baby ticker up soon.

A Second What?!?!?

Well, it's happened. By some stroke of luck, fate, or swimming ability, I now have bun in the oven. I've known for about a month and its been tempting to write, but until we told our families I kept my mouth mostly closed. It was a shock to me. I mean, not a complete shock, since we were trying, after all, but I was 100% certain I was getting my period the whole week leading up to the test. All of the same symptoms popped up, just like they have every single month for what feels like forever. Bobby, in what I thought was naive optimism, kept telling me that we probably were pregnant because he was sure we "did it right." Oh Bobby, if only it were that easy. Turns out, he was right after all.

At the end of a long week after closing up a difficult and stressful trial, I felt wiped out. In order to cheer me up Bobby took me to dinner and for several delicious glasses of wine at the wine store on Green Road (great place, by the way). I giggled and stumbled my way home, with no clue of what awaited me. The next morning, I woke up expecting to find my period in full swing. It was not. For fun, I decided to take a test, just to confirm my suspicion that stress from the trial had my period delayed (not uncommon for me). To my complete shock, as I washed my hands, I could have sworn I saw a faint second line appearing. So I stood on the toilet to get closer to the light and while squinting the sleepiness out of my eyes I tried to focus on the the little window. My heart started racing and I ran into the bedroom for confirmation from Bobby who was sound asleep. I woke him up by saying "Bobby, you have to look at this RIGHT NOW." His response was, naturally, "What did the dogs do now?" I dragged him out of the bed and to the window to look at the faint line with me. It was pretty exciting and surreal all at the same time. To learn that I was pregnant when I thought I definitely was not - it was like an emotional 180 degree shift. During the next fews days I spent a small fortune on additional tests and took 6 more "just to confirm." But a trip to the doctor confirmed it!

For the next week or so I had major paranoia - each little ache, pain, and incidence of spotting threw me into a tailspin or worry and doubt. Thankfully, my doctor gave me an early ultrasound and we saw a little sac. Then the following week we went back again and saw the little heart beating in the middle of what looked like a peanut. Yesterday, we had our first official doctors appointment and everything checked out fine.

Now, up until the last week or so I felt fine - great even. Not tired, not sick, not weird in any way. Then, it hit me. Feelings so bizzare I can't even put them into words. Most of the time, I feel like I have a fever - my skin is hot, my body is achy, and my stomach turns. Of course, when I take my temperature I don't have a fever at all. I am nauseous most of the day, starting about mid-morning. Thankfully, I haven't actually gotten sick yet, but the feeling is enough to ruin my day. My best friends have become sea bands, lifesavers, string cheese and saltines. Hopefully, the nausea along with the exhaustion, "weirdness" feelings, and hot skin will begin to subside soon. Then I look forward to actually getting a belly, which I think is going to be really exciting.

So, from here on out I hope to chronicle the ups and downs of my first pregnancy.